Funny gifts for Grandma who has everything

Grandma has everything. She has a candy dish with the same candy from 2001. She has a purse that weighs fourteen pounds and contains whatever you need, including a sweater for you, because she knew you’d be cold.

She does not need another scarf.

Have You Eaten? is a dictionary of the things Grandma says, decoded at last. It has 500 entries. “Have you eaten?” Translation: it doesn’t matter, you are eating again. “Here’s a little something.” Translation: a twenty-dollar bill has been folded into a tiny square. The chapters cover the kitchen, the secrets you were told not to tell your mother, the phone she holds upside down and the holiday seating chart.

It’s a gift she’ll actually use. She’ll read it in her chair, then keep it next to the phone so she can read entries out loud when you call. Every page is illustrated in full color, and there are fill-in pages at the back for her own originals, which is a good project to do together.

It suits her birthday, Mother’s Day, Grandparents Day or Christmas. Wrap it in the paper she saved from last year. She’ll appreciate that.