The Unofficial Dictionary · for Dad

I'm Just Resting My Eyes.

500 Things Your Dad Said — Decoded at Last

A Funny Father's Day & Birthday Gift for Dad

by Seymour Meaning

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Finally. A translator for Dad.

“I’m just resting my eyes.” “Were you raised in a barn?” “Ask your mother.” For decades, families have nodded along without knowing what any of it meant. This book decodes 500 classic dad sayings, from the driveway and the grill to the thermostat, the remote and the restaurant bill, so the rest of the family can finally understand what he’s actually saying.

Warning: CONTAINS DAD JOKES. EYE-ROLLING MAY OCCUR.

500 numbered dadisms, decoded
42 original illustrations
A–Z index of every quote
Fill-in pages for your own dad’s originals

Look inside

10 of the 500 entries

DAD SAYS: No. 004

I know a shortcut.

TRANSLATION: We are now completely lost.

DAD SAYS: No. 001

I'll fix it this weekend.

TRANSLATION: It will never be fixed.

DAD SAYS: No. 131

I'm just resting my eyes.

TRANSLATION: Dad is fully asleep, snoring.

DAD SAYS: No. 048

Sixty-eight degrees is plenty warm.

TRANSLATION: It is not plenty warm.

DAD SAYS: No. 133

The remote was right here.

TRANSLATION: The remote is under Dad.

DAD SAYS: No. 361

Walk it off.

TRANSLATION: This applies to all minor and several major injuries.

DAD SAYS: No. 401

Hmm.

TRANSLATION: Dad has heard you and is processing. May take up to 72 hours.

DAD SAYS: No. 472

Can you pass the salt?

TRANSLATION: Hi Pass The Salt, I'm Dad.

DAD SAYS: No. 168

Just unplug it and plug it back in.

TRANSLATION: It worked once in 1998. It is now policy.

DAD SAYS: No. 421

I'll put the lights up this weekend.

TRANSLATION: It is now December 22nd.

Illustration from the book: Dad asleep on the couch, mouth open, insisting he is just resting his eyes

Illustration from the book: Dad at the wheel, pointing confidently the wrong way past the GPS

Illustration from the book: Dad under the sink with a wrench while water sprays everywhere

What's inside

Entries: 500
Pages: 168
Size: 6 × 9 in
Printed in: Full color

42 original illustrations, an A–Z index of every quote, and fill-in pages for your own dad's originals.

Chapters

The Road Warrior
The Climate Guardian
The Grill Master
Lawn Enforcement & The Handyman
The Armchair King
Dad's Parenting Academy
The Financial Department
The IT Helpdesk
Travel & Adventures
Family & Critters
Dad's Wellness Clinic
Dad Decoded
The Dad Jokes
The Final Dadisms

Perfect for

Questions

Is it appropriate for kids?

Yes. There is no swearing and nothing you would need to explain at dinner. It is written for adults, but kids old enough to recognize their own dad tend to read it out loud.

Is there a Kindle version?

Yes. The Kindle edition has all 500 entries and the illustrations, and it costs less than the paperback.

Can I gift the Kindle version?

Yes. On the Kindle book's Amazon page, choose “Buy for others” and Amazon emails it to the person on the date you pick.

How big is it?

It is a 6 × 9 inch paperback with 168 pages: 500 numbered entries, 42 original illustrations, an A–Z index and a few fill-in pages for their own originals.

Is it full color?

Yes. Every page is printed in full color, illustrations included.