Do Whatever You Want.
500 Things Your Wife Said — Decoded at Last
A Funny Anniversary & Valentine's Day Gift for WifeComing November 8
Leave your email and we'll tell you the day it's on Amazon. One email. No follow-ups.
Finally. A translator for your wife.
“Do whatever you want.” “I’m fine.” “What do you want for dinner?” Every husband has heard them, and most have guessed wrong. This book decodes 500 classic wife sayings, from the thermostat and the group chat to the packages on the porch, the calendar she runs and the argument she remembers from 2009, so he can finally understand what she is actually saying.
Warning: SHE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU READ THIS.
- 500 numbered wife-isms, decoded
- 43 original illustrations
- A–Z index of every quote
- Fill-in pages for your own wife’s originals
Look inside
10 of the 500 entriesDo whatever you want.
TRANSLATION: Permission has been granted. It is a trap. Do not do whatever you want.
Check behind the milk.
TRANSLATION: It is behind the milk. It is always behind the milk.
You're right.
TRANSLATION: He is not right. She is letting him have this one. For now.
Is the heat even on?
TRANSLATION: The heat is on. It is 72 degrees. She is wearing two sweaters.
I don't care, you pick.
TRANSLATION: She cares. She has a list of places she does not want.
I'm just running into Target.
TRANSLATION: She will be there for two hours. She went in for toothpaste.
Are you wearing that?
TRANSLATION: He is no longer wearing that.
Never say 'calm down.'
TRANSLATION: Ever. Under any circumstances. He has learned.
I forgive you. I just won't forget.
TRANSLATION: Forgiveness has been granted. The file remains open.
I'd marry you again.
TRANSLATION: She would. She'd also make him take dance lessons first.
What's inside
- Entries
- 500
- Pages
- 180
- Size
- 6 × 9 in
- Printed in
- Full color
43 original illustrations, an A–Z index of every quote, and fill-in pages for your own wife's originals.
Chapters
- Do Whatever You Want.
- I'm Fine.
- Have You Looked?
- The Thermostat
- What Do You Want for Dinner?
- Just Looking.
- Are You Wearing That?
- Did You Remember?
- Your Mother.
- The Group Chat
- Wife's Wisdom
- I Remember Everything.
- Date Night
- Love You, Mean It.
Questions
Is it appropriate for kids?
Yes. There is no swearing and nothing you would need to explain at dinner. It is written for adults, but kids old enough to recognize their own wife tend to read it out loud.
Is there a Kindle version?
Yes. The Kindle edition has all 500 entries and the illustrations, and it costs less than the paperback.
Can I gift the Kindle version?
Yes. On the Kindle book's Amazon page, choose “Buy for others” and Amazon emails it to the person on the date you pick.
How big is it?
It is a 6 × 9 inch paperback with 180 pages: 500 numbered entries, 43 original illustrations, an A–Z index and a few fill-in pages for their own originals.
Is it full color?
Yes. Every page is printed in full color, illustrations included.
