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Gift guide · Stocking stuffer: December 25

Stocking stuffers for adults

The stocking is where gift-giving gets honest. The big presents under the tree are planned. The stocking is fifteen small things grabbed between other errands: socks, a lip balm, a lottery ticket, an orange for some reason.

A small book is a good stocking stuffer for an adult, provided it’s one they’ll read.

There are eight books in The Unofficial Dictionary, one for each familiar character: Dad, Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, the teacher, the office, the wife and the husband. Each one has 500 things that person says, decoded. “Sixty-eight degrees is plenty warm.” Translation: it is not plenty warm. “I’m just running into Target.” Translation: she’ll be there two hours, and she went in for toothpaste.

The paperbacks are 6 × 9 inches, full color and under $16. They fit a proper stocking, or they stand up in it like a flag.

For a smaller stocking or a lower budget, there’s the Kindle edition at $4.99. Send it as a gift through Amazon, print the gift email, roll it up and tie it with ribbon. It’s a stocking stuffer that weighs nothing and gets read before the oranges do.

The books

A few entries

DAD SAYS: No. 048
Sixty-eight degrees is plenty warm.

TRANSLATION: It is not plenty warm.

From I'm Just Resting My Eyes.
MOM SAYS: No. 047
Maybe.

TRANSLATION: It's a no with a waiting period.

From Because I Said So.
GRANDPA SAYS: No. 328
Speed limit's a limit, not a goal.

TRANSLATION: Grandpa is going ten under. With the blinker on.

From Did I Ever Tell You About…
WIFE SAYS: No. 192
I'm just running into Target.

TRANSLATION: She will be there for two hours. She went in for toothpaste.

From Do Whatever You Want.
OFFICE SAYS: No. 116
Urgent!

TRANSLATION: It is not urgent. It is Friday at 4:55 p.m.

From Let's Circle Back.
TEACHER SAYS: No. 103
I see that.

TRANSLATION: Whatever 'that' was, Teacher saw it.

From I'll Wait.

Questions

Does a 6 × 9 inch book fit in a stocking?

In a good, generous stocking, yes. In a decorative one from a craft store, you'll need to leave it sticking out of the top, which is festive anyway.

Can I put a Kindle book in a stocking?

Yes. Buy the Kindle edition as a gift, print the Amazon gift email, roll it up and tie a bow on it. It costs $4.99 and weighs nothing.

Are these a good gag gift?

They're gag gifts that people keep. They're funny on Christmas morning and still on the nightstand in March.

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